Personal Growth: A Birthday Reflection

As I celebrate my 24th birthday today, I reflect on the peaks and valleys of my personal growth journey. In all honesty, there were moments I wasn’t sure I’d reach this moment. Amid struggles and uncertainty, I  stand strong, acknowledge progress, and attempt to navigate my early 20s and the complexities of life.

Navigating the Post-Grad Transition

Since transitioning from college to the corporate world, time seems to both fly and stand still. Navigating this challenging adjustment and the muddy waters of my early 20s, I stand at the crossroads of reflection and discovery.

The Illusion of Promises

In college, everyone paints this illusion of limitless possibilities: “Chase your dreams. You can do anything.” What they don’t tell you is that dreams don’t pay bills. While college delivered in its promises of a stable career and a place to call my own, happiness was nowhere to be found.

The Reality of Post-Grad Life

Post-grad life hit me like a ton of bricks. The reality of a lifetime in a cubicle under fluorescent lights clashed with the illusion of endless possibilities. The promised happiness of success seemed like a mere ploy for capitalistic gain, as I traded financial stability for loneliness, lack of purpose, and the crushing weight of adult responsibilities.

Post-Grad Loneliness

As an introvert, loneliness and solitude were familiar companions. However, this new-found independence brought a deeper wave of depression. Cubicle walls and coworkers twice my age replaced dorm rooms and the college community, leaving me isolated and questioning my life choices.

The Void of Purpose

College provided a clear sense of direction and purpose, driven by academic success and the pursuit of a professional career. The harsh reality of that career left me feeling lost and defeated. I soon realized that analyzing Excel spreadsheets wasn’t what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. The absence of meaningful work – without mental stimulation or physical challenges – left me feeling without purpose. 

The Weight of Responsibilities

Independence and freedom, an introvert’s dreams come true, now became heavy burdens.  All responsibilities – rent, groceries, chores, bills – now rested solely on me, a paralyzing realization. The weight of capitalism amplified dissatisfaction with my career and the absence of a supportive community, leaving me feeling trapped and overwhelmed.

Finding Fitness Amidst Mental Struggles

Drowning in this sea of dissatisfaction, I sought an outlet to preoccupy my mind. While the idea of joining a gym had crossed my mind earlier, persistent gym anxiety held me back. This time, I finally gathered the courage to join Planet Fitness. Overcoming this anxiety not only changed my life but saved it. The gym became a solace, a temporary escape from the darkness.

Navigating the Present: Growth and Discovery

Navigating my early 20s has left me feeling lost, searching, and out of place. One moment, the world seems full of possibilities, and the next, everything is at a standstill. Some days, I navigate these emotions better than others. However, often, it seems like a challenge to merely get through the day. My thoughts constantly loop around ways to get to a better mental and physical state, hoping that change is on the horizon. In the meantime, I focus on things within my control, seeking out healthy outlets, and, if nothing else, distractions to carry me forward.

Fitness as a Metaphor

A year into this fitness journey, I can visibly see the physical growth and feel the mental growth. Is depression still a companion? Undoubtedly. Despite what society would like you to believe, exercise is not a cure. However, the gym serves as a metaphor – a reminder that inner strength can conquer any challenge. As a result, I find myself a bit further from the edge than I was a year ago.

A New Chapter: Rediscovering Writing

In college, I considered majoring in Communications but deemed it too risky. Insufficient financial prospects, a saturated market, and doubts about succeeding with my personality type held me back. Although I wrote articles for the school newspaper, the practical side of my mind prevailed. Therefore, I majored in Finance, in the pursuit of financial independence. 

However, I’ve recently rediscovered my passion for writing, using this blog as a canvas for self-expression and reflection on my personal growth journey. Writing, like fitness, serves as a sanctuary, providing an outlet for the mental chaos within.

Navigating the Future: A Need for Change

As I think about the future, I know my mental health journey will continue to evolve. Saying my mental health is better than a year ago is partially true, but also partially untrue. The reality is that my mental health is a journey of peaks and valleys, a struggle I’ve faced for as long as I can remember and one that will continue.

The Mind-Body Connection

Beyond the complexities of my mental health journey, recent battles with physical health issues signify the power of the mind-body connection. Therefore, for the sake of my overall well-being, I know I need a change. While the specifics of this change remain unclear, hope lingers for direction and purpose in this perplexing journey called life.

Evolving Emotions and Mindset

When thinking about the future, hope fluctuates, coming and going in waves. Moments of optimism collide with instances when the future seems bleak. Lately, the disappointment in my current situation envelops me, and I fixate on escaping. When viewed through the lens of hope, this turmoil can be a source of motivation. However, often, it manifests in the shadows of hopelessness and dread, leaving me feeling trapped in a stagnant present while time relentlessly marches forward. 

Escaping the Stagnant Present

Since college graduation, I’ve not only confined myself within cubicle walls, but also within the labyrinth of my own mind. As a result, I find myself disassociating through the days, attempting to navigate each one while yearning for something better. This cyclical escapism has allowed time to slip away – a circumstance for which I’m both grateful and terrified. Grateful because it allowed me to survive. Terrified because I don’t wish to spend the upcoming year in the same cycle, caught in a loop of repetitive days, merely waiting for them to run out. 

Breaking the Cycle

Years trapped in a cycle of negative habits and behaviors have cultivated a wide range of mental health issues from depression, anxiety, disordered eating, and everything in between. Therefore, learning to trust myself with food, thoughts, and overall life choices, remains challenging. 

However, self-trust will be critical in the upcoming future as I continue to navigate this journey. As I heal my relationship with myself and break the cycle of negative patterns, the resilience and strength that have been my companions throughout life will continue to guide me through the muddy waters of adulthood.

Navigating the Muddy Waters: Finding Strength and Resilience

As I stumble through the muddy waters of my early 20s, my journey with fitness and overall well-being motivates me to keep moving forward. Despite feeling lost and discontent in the present, I anchor myself to the hope that the strength and resilience within me will free me from cubicle walls and mental constraints. 

Rejecting Stigmas: Finding Strength

Society labels depression and other mental health issues as ‘negative,’ wrongly linking these deeply felt emotions to weakness. However, as someone who navigates the waves of mental health, I know the strength required to overcome these obstacles. 

Therefore, I reject society’s misguided assumptions, narrowed perspectives, and false labels. Throughout this journey, I’ve learned that every emotion — even in its darkest form — can serve a purpose. It’s within these darkest moments that I find strength and resilience.

Embracing Authenticity: Fostering Resilience

Along this journey, I’m learning to embrace all parts of me, even those society labels as ‘bad’ or ‘negative.’ Moreover, these emotions and struggles are integral to who I am. The adversities I’ve faced have fostered resilience, guiding me through each passing day and year. Therefore, I will continue along this journey, unapologetically and authentically. 

The Journey Ahead: Standing Strong and Embracing Growth

Here’s to 24 – a year that promises new challenges and familiar battles. I hope to get to a better place, both mentally and physically. In the meantime, I will continue to leverage fitness and writing as outlets for the internal struggles.  

To my fellow introverts, the outcasts, and the warriors battling mental illness, authenticity is strength. Reject societal stigmas, hold your head high, and embrace every aspect of your being. I understand the challenge of making it through another second, another day, let alone another year. Yet, here we are, still standing. And, for that, we are strong.

To all confronting their challenges, here’s to unwavering resilience and enduring strength. Here’s to embracing growth and boldly facing the journey ahead.